I'm in florida with my boyfriend for the fourth time in the last two years. I love, love his family and I think that most of them love me. But, I feel an awkwardness (real or imagined) around the fact that he is still married and I am still the other woman. His mother always has questions for me about their divorce and recently told me I was stupid for staying with him. His own mother...
His parents have a sheet on their desk with all the kids phone numbers, spouses and grandkids included. Rebecca is still on there and I am not, that hurts my feelings even though I know it shouldn't. Just because I feel like I am around permanently doesn't mean anyone else is so sure about it. On the other side of it, I'm the one who is on the kid picture table and his mom even put my boys on the grandkid table.
"Shit or get off the pot". This is what his sister told him well over a year ago. His lack of getting the divorce proceedings going has made his family (and me) wonder if he ever will actually get one. I think they are afraid that he will stay with her and don't want to burn any bridges there.
I want to be a Pasquariello, that is a definite first for me. I fucking love Greg and that is the first reason...but, I also want to be one because I want his family to be my family...I want his kids to be my family. I want to spend summers at the beach in Florida with the kids. I want my email to be celeta@pasq.net :)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The "little" boys
For almost two years, I have been anxious to get to know his children, especially the little one. Finally, we have started spending time with our little boys AND I love it. Being a mom is the most rewarding thing in my life and spending time with my son is something I would choose over anything. I was worried that when the boys met, they wouldn't click or maybe even wouldn't like each other. I wondered if after waiting all this time, it would be unnatural to be together with them. We have spent about 98% of our relationship alone.
The other night, they came to pick us up, this was the first time we had done something as simple as ride in a car together. Nico had his DS and Jack had his. iPod. They sat in the back seat playing their games and chatting with each other. At the restaurant, they played their games, squished some dough and ate pizza. It was pure happiness for me, just a normal family night out with our kids. I watched the boys interact just like they would with any other friend, none of the grown up uncomfortableness was there. They have a ton in common, from Star Wars and legos to being a little brother to teenagers to being that kid who is able to hang out with grown ups at a restaurant after bed time for most kids.
This is real progress and what I've been asking for. I wonder what will happen next? Is a happy future actually beginning? The more I get, the more I want...I want to spend every night with him and most days too. I want to think about both little boys. I want to do his laundry and clean up his messes. I even want to smell his stinky farts while we lay in bed, cuddling, watching our shows or talking or having spider solitaire wars. I want to grow old with him and know that I am forever his and he is forever mine.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
The other night, they came to pick us up, this was the first time we had done something as simple as ride in a car together. Nico had his DS and Jack had his. iPod. They sat in the back seat playing their games and chatting with each other. At the restaurant, they played their games, squished some dough and ate pizza. It was pure happiness for me, just a normal family night out with our kids. I watched the boys interact just like they would with any other friend, none of the grown up uncomfortableness was there. They have a ton in common, from Star Wars and legos to being a little brother to teenagers to being that kid who is able to hang out with grown ups at a restaurant after bed time for most kids.
This is real progress and what I've been asking for. I wonder what will happen next? Is a happy future actually beginning? The more I get, the more I want...I want to spend every night with him and most days too. I want to think about both little boys. I want to do his laundry and clean up his messes. I even want to smell his stinky farts while we lay in bed, cuddling, watching our shows or talking or having spider solitaire wars. I want to grow old with him and know that I am forever his and he is forever mine.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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